I’m sorry I have been distant; I’ve had Imposter Syndrome.

What is Impostor Syndrome you May Ask?

Imposter syndrome, is a very real pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary. It strikes smart, successful individuals. It often rears its head after an especially notable accomplishment.

For me, it was publishing my first book “Not a Picture Perfect Parent: Unfiltered Motherhood from Birth to Adulthood” in December of 2020.

During my book launch, I was excited watching my book sales climb but then something changed. It really sank in that my words will forever be out in the world, no take backs!

I started doubting everything I worked so hard on for over two years.

Just before I published, my editor asked me one last time if I was sure I wanted to keep the chapter he urged me to cut from the very beginning.

I stood my ground, I kept it and wondered if I would suffer legal ramifications for what I did. It was important for me to write truthfully, even when it hurt like hell.

Family and friends bought my book, then never reviewed it or even told me they liked it at all. Their silence convinced me they hated it.

Then I was attacked verbally in my DM’s by multiple strangers.

“You are an awful mom!”

“Your children should be taken from you.”

“Your book has a typo.”

“Why did you keep having children?”

All of this sent me to a spiraling into a dark place doubting my self-worth and my ability to write.

Soon, reviews started coming in and they were good, but the only thing played over and over in my head was the hurtful DM’s by haters too chicken to even use real accounts. Then the silence set in from those I needed reassurance from most…, they said NOTHING. It hurt like hell.

This was supposed to be a joyous time for me, sadly, it wasn’t.

One day my inbox filled with real messages, from real moms thanking me for my very real, raw and honest book on motherhood.

“I thought this was just me.”

“I feel like you wrote my book, we have made so many of the same mistakes.”

“We need more books like yours normalizing the real struggles of motherhood.”

“Your book made me cry one minute then laugh the next, motherhood is like that, an emotional roller coaster!”

“Your vulnerability is encouraging and inspiring and definitely something we could all do better at as moms”

“I have felt so alone these last five years of motherhood and I ugly cried when I read your book, because YOU understand!”

“You don’t know me, but I read your book and I now feel we are best friends.”

These messages made me cry as well because, THIS is why I published.

I may always battle the emotional scars left in the silence of those who I thought would be my biggest supporters.

What I’m choosing to focus on is presently, is the many moms this book has helped.

So there you have it, this is why I launched a book then just dropped off my site never blogging or getting my shop up and running.