Guest post by Angie LaMunyon
Hi, I’m Angie, wife to Joe, mom of one special 8-year-old boy Daniel, dog-mom to Addie Mae, and babysitter to many! I’m a sister, a daughter and a friend. I’m an empathetic person who feels things a little too much and would rather stay home alone than go out most days. I’m a nature-loving, hippy at heart. I’m a former college athlete who pretends she’s still got it once or twice a week. I’m a creative thinker who loves puzzles of all kinds. And I’m a business owner. All of these, and more, make up who I am. But I have found it hard to know who I really am among all of these parts of me.
After college, I landed a job as an in-house graphic designer for a manufacturing company. After nearly 8 years there, management changes caused things to get shaken up big time. My boss was fired, and then I was fired after 6 months of extreme stress. This totally rocked my confidence. But it also gave me the opportunity to start working for myself.
My son was still pretty young, I had steady work, and I was feeling pretty good about it. But, as my son got older, it got harder. He wanted and needed my attention more, and before he was even 3, he stopped napping. He was also developing a strong case of separation anxiety that meant daycare was nearly impossible. Some days I would spend hours in the car taking him to family so I could take a meeting. And after a full day of working, I had zero billable hours in.
I quickly fell into terrible habits, like working until early morning, sleeping little stressing about everything, and saying yes to way more than I should have. My son was attending preschool classes a few hours a week at YMCA while I worked right outside the door on their terrible wifi. The year before my son started Kindergarten, we decided to give up on preschool and focus on therapy for his anxiety. I was also in the middle of a full-on adrenal crisis.
Oh yeah, and my husband was working full time and going to school nearly full time. Bills were piling up. Our cars started to show their age. Life was HARD.
After a summer of therapy, he successfully started school! His anxiety was still there, but more manageable. There were occasional nights that he slept all night long without waking us all up. Life was a little better. I was still trying to work, but I was just not doing it right. So much driving, too little time for actual work. And my clients expected more than I could give. My health was getting worse.
So I decided to pull back. I fired my most troublesome client and didn’t actively seek out any new ones. Work slowly dwindled, and I focused on my health and my son’s health. For three years in a row now I have lost money in my business. But that’s okay. I am so much better for it.
I have mostly healed my adrenals. I discovered that I am very sensitive to gluten and kicked that out of my life. We figured out my son has PANS and that is what fuels his anxiety and OCD. We are working on healing him as well, and he is making progress. New diets and healthy habits can be hard at first, but they have been so worth it.
My husband graduated last year and is happy in his job. He is home more often and can be present again.
I’m FINALLY in a much better place. I can handle stress better. I know how to ask for help better than I did before, and I’m a little better at saying no when I need to. I had become content staying at home and being the homemaker. We have gone through seasons with only one working car, and were able to make that work because I just didn’t do much.
But a couple months ago I became restless. I needed more. I missed being strong in my body, and in my mind. I missed my business and that side of who I was. I felt like I finally had life at home in control a bit, and I was ready for more again.
So I kicked it into gear. I have recently committed to working out regularly, and I have brought my business back to life. And dear Lord am I scared!
I finished the website I started over 3 years ago before I gave it up. I reactivated my business on social media. I have let people know I am looking for clients again. And I have so much fear.
I fear success. Not just imposter syndrome, but I fear what success means, because I fear a relapse. I don’t want to go back to that place where my anxiety ruled my life and I didn’t sleep. I wasn’t a nice person to be around, and I wasn’t happy in my own body at all.
What if adding work back in takes me right back to that place? What if I can’t say no when I need to and all the yeses start drowning me again? What if my family needs me and I can’t be there to carry them again?
But, I have realized that I won’t go back there, because I am not the same person I was. I am stronger. I am wiser. I can now recognize what serves me and what drains me. I know that saying yes to one thing means saying no to another, and that there are only 24 hours in a day (8 of what are for sleep!).
I am still scared, every day. But I am not letting fear control me or keep me from doing what I really want to do. I love the work that I do. I love helping people fulfill their own dreams. I love using my brain for something other than doctors appointments and what to make for dinner. I love it and I need it, at least right now.
This is a new season of life that I am ready for, and I am marching ahead. Despite the fear, or maybe even because of it. I CAN do this. And every time I write it down or say it out loud to someone else, I believe it a little more than I did before.
I’m not just a mom and wife. I’m ALL of the parts of me. And I can be all of those parts while still being a happy, healthy person. I can and I WILL.
Thank you Angie for your honest submission of your parenting journey. It’s not all rainbows and roses and sometimes riding first row on the struggle bus is just where your seated.
Angie LaMunyon, is owner and designer of Angela Jiniel Marketing & Design. She is a virtual assistant specializing in branding, graphic design and marketing for small businesses. She has has over 15 years experience in graphic design, and believes that how information is presented is just as important as what is said. She has a passion for helping small businesses, and loves asking the right questions. She is a wife, mom, an avid volleyball player, and a lover of nature.
She is also the creator of my logo which may seem simple in design, but has a complex hidden meaning. She took my thoughts and ideas and turned it into so much more than I would have ever came up with.
You can check her out on Facebook, Instagram and on her website
