Mom Wisdom brought to you today by Britt Laux
One of the first questions I got when I published my first book was, “How did you do it???”
The question mainly came from women with young kids (like me) and they weren’t asking about how I wrote the book. It was a desperate question, asking how I found time to do something so important to me while being a mom. My answer? Cereal for dinner.
It was a cheeky response, but also partially true. I wrote All Things New during a really difficult time healthwise, and it was all I could do to sit at the computer and type. To be honest, I wasn’t doing much mothering and housewifing during that process. Lou had taken on the burden of childcare and housework.
Fast forward a couple years to working on my second book, and my answer would be a bit different. While I worked on Summer at Enid’s, I had to write only in my spare time. I often stayed up ridiculously late and got up early to find time to write. It was exhausting and I was always cranky, but I kept up on momlife as well as putting a second book out there.
Neither of those was healthy for me emotionally, physically or even spiritually. I was strung out, and my writing became almost burdensome. I started feeling resentful of my family because for the love of all things literature, I just wanted to work!!
Work.
That’s the key word. I needed to start looking at my writing as work and not just a hobby. For Lou and the kids to take me seriously, I had to take myself seriously. I had to set boundaries for myself to be productive and keep everything in balance.
Now? We have a set house cleaning day and everyone pitches in. Sunday is the one day we can count on Lou not working, so we spend a couple of hours and knock it out as a team. I have a set laundry schedule, and Lou tackles dishes with the kids after dinner.
The trick was, I had to ask.
Women do this thing – and I hate to generalize, but it’s true – we want our partners and families to read our minds. We know all of the things that need done, and we expect that they should too. If we can see the overflowing hamper and trash can, the mountain of dishes and the inch of dust on the furniture, why can’t they?!
Then there’s the guilt. Mom guilt. We feel like we should be able to do all the things, even when we’re resentful that nobody pitches in.
Y’all… Just ask. Make your needs known, and be realistic. If you’re a stay at home mom, your partner probably has expectations of their own. They count on you to shoulder the majority of the work at home, and that is sort of the point.
If you work outside the home, it’s even more vital to set clear boundaries and expectations for all members of your family. It comes down to being a team, and even a young child can help fold towels or clear the table. That may only translate to a few extra minutes of writing, but every little bit counts.
I can’t promise every partner will understand. If you’ve got a routine that seems to be working for everyone else, it may be hard for them to adjust. Especially if you’re the type of mom that says, “Oh, I’ll just do it.” Because I sure am.
But this is about you.
You are a human being with your own needs, and finding that balance is essential. When you aren’t feeling fulfilled, you can’t be there for your family. That nagging need will get in the way.
It’s up to you to find that balance and carve out the time and make your needs known.
This balancing act is all on you, mamas. ~ Britt Laux
Thank you Britt for your submission, you are not the only mom out there serving cereal for dinner you can read that post here.
I loved her book so much that I purchased an additional copy to giveaway this week to a lucky mom.
Click her to check her out on Instagram or visit her website for more information.
