Why an emergency c-section was the best way to start my journey as a mother
Mom Wisdom brought to you today by Kat Bostick
I’m a planner. A goal setter. A git’er done gal. You can imagine how it went when I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of 2019. I already had it all figured out.
From pediatricians to homeschool plans, I knew how parenthood was going to go for me. All I needed to do was follow my well laid plan and grow that little peanut into a human.
I did everything right during my pregnancy. I exercised, I ate healthy, I even did daily Hypnobirthing meditations. I was ready and eager for the natural homebirth I had planned.
Birth? Easy. I got this. It’s all in the plan.
When my due date came and went, we weren’t immediately concerned. First time moms are usually a little late and I had a family history of well cooked babies. 41 weeks quickly melted into 42 and there was still no sign of labor. Maybe we got our dates wrong? Maybe baby was just a little behind in development?
I hadn’t quite reached the point of anxiety but I was frustrated. The plan was not being followed. Apparently baby hadn’t gotten the memo. My maternity leave had already begun and was quickly disappearing before I’d even gone into labor. My mother came for three weeks and had to leave without seeing her grandchild. Thankfully, my husband thought better of taking his leave at the 41 week mark, expecting just about anything at that point.
Three weeks and two days past my due date, my waters broke. It was the full moon and my midwife wasn’t even a little surprised. One night of labor became 24 hours. 24 hours stretched on to 48. After almost 60 hours of labor, we realized that things just were not going to progress as they should.
Suddenly my plan crumbled and I was walking through Terra incognita.
When I was lying in a hospital bed several hours later, plugged into a bunch of foreign machines, looking into my husband’s tearful eyes, I expected to feel disappointment. I did everything right, didn’t I? Other women got C-sections. I was not going to be one of them. I was going to be strong and follow my plan and birth a baby naturally.
Having a baby is a big deal but as it turned out, having a C-section was not. Not in the long run. In fact, I can confidently say I’m glad I had one. I’m grateful that things didn’t go according to plan.
That was my very first humbling experience as a mother. It wouldn’t be my last, even during those first golden hours.
I understand now that parenthood cannot be planned, not really. No matter how prepared we think we are, nothing can truly prepare you for birth, for motherhood, for cradling a precious, fragile life in your arms and realizing you are completely at their mercy.
I never dreamed I would say it, but having a C-section was the best way for me to be born as a mother. I needed to be humbled. I needed to be taught the very difficult lesson of letting go of the plan.
Motherhood, I’ve discovered, is surrendering to the moment. It’s going with the flow. Motherhood is expecting sunshine but planning for rain. And diaper blowouts and someone needing a snack and arguments over who gets to look out what car window.
I could have had a very different experience. I could have birthed my son at home in the perfect way that I imagined. Everything would’ve been exactly as I dreamed it. Then, when the baby wouldn’t go to sleep when I thought he should, when his latch wasn’t perfect, when he cried for no reason at all, I would have been so confused.
“I read all the books. I planned for these things. What am I doing wrong?” I would have said.
My first weeks as a mother would have been consumed by mounting frustration and feelings of inadequacy. I dabbled in those emotions postpartum, but they were nothing like I know they would’ve been if I got everything I wanted, all according to plan.
It might not always feel like it, but when your children chuck the plan out the window, they are doing something good for you. They are teaching you the lessons you need to be taught. They are showing you how to bravely walk an unknown path without a compass or a map.” ~ Kat Bostick
Thank you Kat, for your submission. I can honestly say that she was more prepared for motherhood than I was. Sure I read all the books like she did but when things did not go as planned I did not handle things as well as Kat did. You can find her beautiful Instagram page here and her website here.
Be sure to check out her newest book “Hunters Moon.” I am currently 1/3 of the way into it and love the story so far. She writes beautifully and leaves me longing for more even when my eyes are letting me know that it is time to sleep.Last night my dreams were full of forest scenes and wolves as her words were the last thing I remember I set her book on my nightstand.
If you are interested in contributing in the weeks to come you can reach me at betsyharloff@gmail.com, through my Instagram profile or on my Facebook author account.
