You can have a bad day without anything BAD ever happening.

I wake earlier than usual; I didn’t sleep well. I slide my feet into my cream slippers shuffling to the kitchen, as I reach the counter I just stare.  I can’t decide if I want coffee or tea. They both seem like too much effort this morning, but I decide on tea. I make two cups, one for now that I cool down with cream and one without so it will be ready when I finish the first.

I get right to work at the chore list I wanted to finish over the weekend but didn’t. I gaze out of the window  to the forest directly it’s dark, calm and still.

An hour later I was joined by my youngest she sat next to me coloring birds from an adult coloring book I picked up from the Dollar Store a few weeks back. She is humming a slow tune, I am annoyed by this but, I smile at her, she thinks I like her song. I once read somewhere that happy children sing, I remind myself of this when I get annoyed by children singing and I stay quiet, not wanting to stifle her creativity.

I get up to check my email, I am annoyed by a response sent to me from a company that did not answer my question, giving me the run around. I will have to send yet another email. I decide to ignore that for now and purchase a chore planner that I saw someone post on IG. I click the link to buy, download it then print it off. A quick glance tells me I may have wasted my money. I feel misled but, maybe I purchased too quickly hoping for a magic solution to my chore list. I am still going to have to create my own and now wasted $20.

I wake up my boys and start the coffee machine with the last of my favorite Christmas blend, I am going to need extra caffeine today. My husband walks in and asks if he can take some. I tell him yes. He fills up his giant travel mug and leaves me with less than a pot of coffee, I don’t mind, I should really drink the green juice I made last night anyhow.

I grab my green juice and head to the living room to work on math lesson with my children, they are struggling with the larger multiplication problems we are working on, I stop to rub my neck, its sore probably from stress. I really want them to hurry up so I can edit my book. I stand up needing a break I start a load of laundry and walk back into to the sounds of fighting. I break up the fight get everyone back to working on lessons. I sit for a bit making sure they stay on task before getting up again.

I head down the hall to my room to change out of my mismatched PJ’s then notice a large family of dust bunnies have taken residence in the built in shelves along my room. I slide shut the door, so I don’t have to see them, then get on Amazon to buy a handheld vacuum. I am disappointed that all the good ones were over $100 dollars, so I add a few to my cart  with the 78 other items I may buy later. I feel like I am losing, I cannot keep up with this house full of people. Uninvited dust bunnies have moved in and maybe even a few mice (no mice I am just kidding on that one!)

School lessons are hard for me to work on with the kids today I can’t focus or be patient with them on days like this, so I stop. I have so many things looming over me, I feel helpless. I want a glass of wine, I make chai tea instead.

I decide sending my children out to play in the snow would be best but, my youngest can’t find any mittens. I then remember that asked my 12 year old to go through all the mittens and throw out the ones without matches, this left my youngest with 3 different left gloves. Really? I am mad, but I stay calm. I even quickly looked them over after he matched things, confirming a good job, I threw them out. How did I overlook this?

I didn’t go outside with them today like usual. Although the fresh air may have improved my mood, it usually does. Instead I walk over to the washer, put the wet clothes in the dryer and pulled the contents from the dryer onto the floor in front of it creating an even bigger heap.

I sigh, then collapse, exasperated right there on the floor next to the dryer and proceeded to fold the large mound of clothing that has been sitting there all weekend.

As I finish the last towel my 5 year old comes in upset because the boys were mean to her. I encompass her and wipe away tears with my thumb and say, “I’m sorry you are having a rough day.”

I pull out premade gluten free crusts for the kids to make their own personal pizzas they were disappointed that I already put sauce on them, I didn’t want to clean the extra mess today. While they cook, I unload the dishwasher, the sink is overflowing with dirty dishes, it never ends.

The day continues, leaving me feeling like I just cannot get ahead I responded to a few more emails and entered some items in Every Dollar, a budget program we use. I am now over budget because my favorite lotion was on clearance, so I bought all they had.  Our funds are tight this month because we are hoping to surprise the kids with a trip to the indoor water park. I feel like my $20 lotion purchase will send us to the poor house. I know it won’t, but I feel like I’m losing today. I search for my Tiger Balm to ease the increasing  ache in my neck. I dig my fingers deep into my muscles almost to the point of pain hoping for relief.

I prep the chicken, toss some veggies in oil and seasonings then put it all in the oven to bake. As I reach for the pepper grinder, I feel a dampness between my legs. I head to the bathroom, pull down my leggings then notice bright red blood.

MY PERIOD!

It all makes sense now.  This is why I have felt so ‘off’ today. You would think that at the age 42 I would understand my own female cycle by now, but I really haven’t. In fact, it’s quite the opposite the older I get the more symptoms I have and the worse I feel. My doctor says its because I am premenopausal.

I sure don’t feel like I am that old!

The Dinner Party Inside My Womb.

I wrote this for the women who read my blog, so you know you are not alone. Being a woman is an amazing yet confusing gift, one that I still do not fully understand. The strange emotions I feel throughout the month why I may lash out, cry, or just feel ‘off. I don’t even understand why some days leave me feeling like a different person.

I also wrote this for any men who may find themselves on my blog to help you better understand that the woman in your life may be just as confused about her mood swings and strange emotions as you are.

It’s truly astonishing that each month a womans body prepares to grow a new life only to rip it all apart and tear down when it doesn’t happen. Can you imagine getting your house ready for a dinner party each month only to have no one show up, then having to put it all away. No wonder my body is so pissed at me!