2017 – Opened my eyes
2018 – Broke me
2019 – Rebuilt from the rubble
2020 – I can see clearly and I am ready for you
Refection
2019 was hard, I have learned a lot about myself, trying to get to the root of who I am and what I want out of life was harder than I ever imagined. Actually, I am lying, I knew it would be hard which is why I never really wanted to do it. During 2019 I stripped away what others thought I should be and really dug deep into ME. Not what society, family or friends think I should be, but who I am and what I want.
For the biggest part of my life, I dreamt of being a mom, I wanted it more than anything. I would daydream of rocking my baby, reading nursery rhymes and singing lullabies while I held close to my heart my toy baby dolls swathed in soft blankets. Maybe the law of attraction was at work here.
I was devastated to learn when I was 12 years old that I had endometriosis and PCOS, I may never have children. I forced myself to believe that I never really wanted them anyway, I knew it was a lie though!
I was meant to have children.
I have grown and birthed FIVE beautiful healthy babies even when medical professionals said it was near impossible. Did I mention that the father of my children was told he could not have them either? Yup, two people medically proven to have almost no chance of bringing forth life into the world, brought in five new humans. In fact, we didn’t event try for our first it just happened. As it turns out we are both VERY fertile.
In 2016, I was advised to not have anymore children and that it would be dangerous to my health, I was devastated. We were planning on having one more child so my youngest could have a sibling close in age. I decided it would be selfish of me to try for a 6th baby putting my health at risk and potentially taking away my childrens mother if things went the worst way.
Seeing Clearly
I am a good mom and despite the fact that I wrote a book on parenting failures I have always known it was my destiny to be a mom. I regret a lot of mistakes that I have made but with failure comes growth.
My five children are now 19, 13, 12, 10, and 5. I no longer have a nursing child or a very dependent toddler, I have space to rethink my purpose.
I am and will always be a mother first, nothing will ever be more important than that but I now feel the calling to do something more.
To write
To motivate
To enlighten
2020 I am ready, big things are coming!
